Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
