Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
