Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
