i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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