Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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