Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize