May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
