Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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