I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
