Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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