what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
