the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
