you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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