is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
