Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
