Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
