mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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