I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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