Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
