guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize