Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
