I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
