5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
