Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
