You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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