I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Boobs are out for the taking
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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