To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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