if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
