She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So. Much. Porn.
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