would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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