I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
