Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
