Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
