I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
