that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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