i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
