its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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