I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
