I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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