In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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