So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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