oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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