and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
