We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want you more than these girls want KFC
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
