Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
