Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
