Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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