She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize