if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
