she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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