I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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