Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
