Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize