so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize