Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
