So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
