4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
