I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is Oprah even human
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
