We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
