just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
