Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
