Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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