I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
