She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
