a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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