Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
