its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
