if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
