I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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